Posts Tagged ‘sex’

Love is...image used with permission: (c) loveiscomix.com)

love is… or Poly is…

We’ve had some great poly moments that last few weeks. The other night was no exception and it made me think of the old “Love Is…” comics (http://loveiscomix.com/).
But instead, I thought “Poly is…”. In that night’s case MS and I were both in bed, ready to call it a night. I was texting with HC who was at a meetup, MS was texting with a new guy she just started seeing and they were planning a movie date. Since I have the Fandango app on my smartphone she asked me to look up movie times for several movies near us.

So in short, “Poly is…” helping your wife and her new fling find a movie for date night. Feeling good!

 

(Love is image used with permission: (c) loveiscomix.com)

This is the hardest breakup I’ve ever fucking dealt with. When I divorced my ex-wife 20 years ago there was so much animosity between us that it was a relief. When Diva broke up with me last fall, and I started this blog with the 30-day Fuck Challenge, there was a bit of pain, but mostly relief. When navy girl and I broke up in college, it hurt a hell of a lot and it took me a few months to get over it. But tonight, Hellcat and I broke up. We were 5 weeks away from celebrating one year since we first went out. I’m fucking devastated. Though that doesn’t even begin to describe it.

And the last words I heard: “If you don’t leave now, I’ll throw you out. The sight of me makes me want to throw up”.

On top of what I am feeling myself, I wish I knew how much pain Hellcat is in. As much as I’m hurting I know Hellcat is hurting too if not more so. I wish I could repair it. I wish I could fix it and remove all her hurt and pain.

It’s not because I’m a douche bag. It’s because I tried to fit a polyamourous relationship into a monogamous model. I tried to remain faithful to who I am while trying appease MS and fit pseudo-monogamous paradigms into polyamourous paradigms. What happened is that now matter how hard I tried, “the marriage” and the “primary relationship” based on MS’s rules always won. In the end, I made choices that made MS happy rather than myself or Hellcat happy and ultimately lost her trust and Hellcat.

I don’t know how fucking long it’s going to take to get over this. This is the 3rd longest relationship in my lifetime, and probably the most intimate right up there with MS.

I am so fucking emotional now; angry at myself for the choices I made, angry at MS for not understanding and for forcing those choices on me. And at the same time, feel like my whole world has collapsed. I invested so much in Hellcat to lose it so fucking fast.

The tears and sobs come and go. I want to make it better for her and me but can’t.

Hello my Fellow Fuckers. Cross posted another douche-bag on the wall of shame today at the Douche Bag and Diva Chronicles.

Mr. Jackpot is now available on the Wall of Shame

Hello my Fellow Fuckers! Go check out Mr. Bold in the Douche-bag/Diva Chronicles

It seems the word metamour has been popping up lately both in my own world and in blogs I’ve been following. In one, SPC has been writing a lot about her metamour, Traveler’s Wife, and linked to her blog as well.
What is a metamour? In the polyamory world, it is the partner’s lover or significant other. In my world, I am married to MS and have been dating my girlfriend Hell Cat for 6 months. MS and Hell Cat are met amours. Likewise, MS has been seeing NQABF for several months so he and I are met amours.
The metamour relationship can be just as complex or involved as the lover or secondary relationship (I hesitated to use secondary here as I don’t want to imply there is a relationship hierarchy. I use it to define the relationship that is outside the traditional, monogamous relationship). In some cases, they can just be aware of each other’s existence. In other cases, they may be more friendly and amicable, and they can even have their own romantic relationship.
As I wrote in A (Not so) typical Friday, MS and NQABF went out for dinner. When they got back to the apartment we all just hung out and talked and chatted for hours. I get along with NQABF; I like him and actually enjoy doing stuff with them.
And last night was another good poly and metamour night. Hell Cat and I have been making up lost time from me being away during the Christmas holidays so she met me at my office. MS is in D.C. for work and was heading out for trivia night. She had planned to call me before heading to the bar but because Hell Cat was meeting me at my office, I wound getting the call on the way home with Hell Cat in the car.
We all had a nice talk and MS was asking what we had planned. Nothing really special as I was going to make my famous veggie quesadillas (reply if you want the recipe) then Hell Cat and I were just going to hang out and just enjoy our time together. MS told Hell Cat she was in for a treat because (yes, tooting my own horn here) I DO make a killer quesadilla.
After we got home and had dinner, Hell Cat had texted MS that yes, they WERE yummy and she enjoyed them very much.

Texting from the couchI didn’t know that much so later as we were cuddling on the couch and talking, and MS had gotten back from trivia night, she texted Hell Cat about the quesadillas, kind of giving her a hard time saying “You’re just too nice. You’d have said they were yummy even if they were ground glass”.
Since Hell Cat and I were just hanging and cuddling, and Hell Cat was responding to MS, we all wound up in a text storm. I was texting with MS talking about her trivia night; MS was texting Hell Cat about dinner and quesadillas. I don’t know about MS, but from our end, Hell Cat and I were laughing and having fun during the text storm. It seemed MS was too.
I was happy that MS had won her trivia and as she said, “Got to have fun with 4 sweet and cute geeky guys”, MS was happy that Hell Cat had enjoyed her home cooked dinner from me, Hell Cat was happy that we could all talk together and have fun. And, MS ended it with “You two need to stop texting me and go have fun”.
So we all said our good nights and Hell Cat and I went to bed and, yes, “had fun” 

That, to me, is what a good metamour experience should be like: Everyone getting along, liking each other and being happy.

For my fellow fuckers who live in a traditional monogamous lifestyle, today’s post may not seem so typical. For me and MS it’s becoming somewhat more typical.

We both have two days left before we return to work: Me in Colorado, her in D.C.
I hadn’t been awake too long when I received a text from Burner (aka Hugalicious because of her awesomely amazing hugs). We had last talked, met, hugged, fondled each other at a Christmas party a few weeks ago and we had talked about getting together before I returned home.
MS wasn’t feeling too well so I wasn’t sure it would work out. But, MS and NQABF had plans for the evening and she wasn’t about to break them so she told me to not change plans. It would have been ideal if we could have timed my get together with Burner later in the night. That way I would have been out with her while MS was out with NQABF. But all was fine.

I had a nice lunch with Burner and we talked for about two hours catching up, flirting some more, and talking about Burning Man, Apogaea. I love camping and haven’t been in a while so we are making tentative plans to for my first “burn”.
Time was getting short and I needed to head back home with MS’s lunch, Burner needed to get home and say goodbye to her husband so as we gave each other our parting hugs, she gave me a long, nibble-like kiss on my neck, said “I gotta go!” then hopped in her car and drove off.

NQABF arrived about 7:00 to pick MS up and they headed off to dinner and I was left to my own devices. I like to call this time “embracing my aloneness” as opposed to feeling alone or lonely. I grabbed some Sonic chili cheese tater tots, a cherry limeade and sat down to read and write.
I had just grabbed my laptop when Hell Cat (HC) sent me a text that she had just come home from the movies. Instead, we talked on the phone.

I was still on the phone with her when MS and NQABF got home. MS said “Hi” to Hell Cat, Hell Cat said “Hi” back and I’m talking with NQABF. It was getting loud so I wound up excusing myself and going to the bedroom to continue on the phone while leaving MS and NQABF in the living room talking on the couch.

I finally hung up the phone with Hell Cat and made my way back to the living room. Now, here I am, working on my blog, watching MS and NQABF talk, chat and have a good time on the couch while I occasionally chime in.

Yes, this is a (not so) typical Friday night.

Good night my fellow fuckers!

The other day I wrote about poly perks and some of the benefits of multiple, loving relationships. I ended it by talking about getting multiple Christmas and birthday presents.

Well, there’s a flip side to that as well. You know, GIVING multiple presents. HC and I shared an early Christmas before travelling back to TX to be with MS. I had already bought one present for MS and we went out and she picked another one out for herself.
I still have more to get but, I think you get the picture 🙂

So next year, yes, my birthday will be a little extra special. Fortunately, though, MS and HC’s birthday aren’t that close together. HC’s is Sep, MS’s is Nov. Plenty of time to celebrate with each. Lucky me!

Now, onto other matters. Seems like I have high blood pressure. The doc started me on meds a little over a month ago. I’ve been taking it as prescribed but lately HC has been asking me if I’ve been monitoring my BP to see if it has helped. (No, I’m not saying she’s nagging. She is concerned and I really like that feeling). But, I had not been home 30 minutes when HC texted MS asking about my BP and asking her to remind me to monitor my blood pressure. Yes, now I have two women reminding me to take my meds, monitor my BP! (No, I’m not really complaining or saying I’m being nagged. It actually IS a good feeling).

And, not only did HC talk to MS about my BP but also mentioned that she’d noticed a tremor in hand a few times. Which means aside from daily reminders to take my pressure, I’m also getting reminders (twice) to “go see the doc about that tremor”!

Don’t get me wrong, I love them both. In most relationships they guy (or girl) could easily see this as harping and nagging. I try to look at the positives rather than the negative. The way I see it, I’m just loved twice as much 🙂

Ciao my fellow fuckers!

I’ve noticed that most of my recent entries have been relationship and polyamory related. Even though it’s the holidays I’ll stick to that theme today.

While being in polyamorous relationships do have their challenges, there are some perks and benefits (sex aside). For instance…
I am travelling back to TX to be with MS for Christmas, New Years and our anniversary. Normally I’d leave my car at the airport. But, since it’s going to be for two weeks AND I won’t be able to see my girlfriend (damn, two weeks without HC), she is bringing me to the airport. That also means she will pick me up when I return! (Yeah, that’s going to be a fun reunion 😉 ).

And, since I get in late in the evening, instead of driving an hour and a half home, HC will pick me up and it’s only 15 minutes to her place. (Did I mention it’s going to be a fun reunion?). I have taken advantage of that perk as well. I would go as far to say that even if MS were in CO too that this arrangement would still be viable. It just makes more sense to me, IMHO, to not have to make that drive late at night particularly this time of year when there can be a lot of snow on the roads.

Some other perks? Well, we are both members of poly groups in the towns where we live. When I get to TX this weekend there is a Christmas party for MS’s local group. That’s where she met her “not quite a boyfriend” (NQABF) S. He will be there with his wife A (she and I used to go out but have cooled things since) but MS will definitely want to spend some time with him. Enter Burner into the picture.

MS introduced me to Burner back in June (I call her that since she’s been to a few Burning Man type festivals although she doesn’t consider herself to be a true “burner”). She friended me almost immediately the day after the BBQ and we’ve been chatting and texting off and on since. We’ve only met two other times and she gives amazing hugs! I mean AMAZING! She’ll be at the party so everyone is happy. I get some hugs, MS gets to hang with NQABF.

And, as bittersweet as my first poly holiday will be (not being able to spend Christmas with both MS and HC) I got TWO Christmas’! HC and I held an “early Christmas” the last two nights and exchanged presents with each other. Twice the presents from people I love! You can’t beat that!

So along with Christmas think about birthdays! Yes, even MORE presents!

Do I sound a bit greedy? Maybe 🙂 But I like to find the positives in situations!

Ciao my fellow fuckers!

Yeah, you fucking read that right! I was “wingman” for my wife J. She had met someone on OKC (OkCupid for you fellow fuckers not in the know) and had been messaging back and forth for a few weeks. It had reached a point where the potential suitor was wanting to meet face-to-face. The problem was that I was in town for the week for J’s birthday and Thanksgiving and she didn’t want to give up any time with me. Made total sense to me but I had kept encouraging her.
And, for some reason this guy, K for short, seemed to think he and I were similar and he was just as interested in meeting me as well.

Soooo…. J and K texted and messaged back and forth and we all agreed to meet.

Now on to the REST of the story. Or, as I like to call it, “How to fuck up a first date”.

First off, I admit he might have been a bit intimidated by going on a “meet and greet” with me around. But, since he had expressed interest, he got what he asked for.

Rather than describe the date, why don’t I just make this about what to do (and not to fucking do) on a first date. Guys…. you fucking listening?

  • Try complimenting her or something about her when you first see her. “Hey, that’s a lovely blouse”. “That’s a pretty color you have on your nails”. Something that says “Hey, I noticed you”! And be genuine about it. Also, don’t go overboard or be fucking creepy about it either. I mean “Whoa, I like how that blouse shows off your tits” might be a bit over the top. Avoid the “What color bra do you have on under that?” I mean, if it goes well you’ll find out soon enough. But, 10 minutes into the date? I’m just sayin.
  • Use a recent fucking picture on your profile! (This goes for BOTH ladies and gents). If you think you’re too old, overweight/skinny, bald, or whatever, do you think a 10-year-old pic is going to change anything when they see you in person? I don’t mean to sound shallow here, but he fucking honest! A 10-year-old picture where you’re partying up may look good on the profile but what happens when you show up and you’re 30 pounds heavier and that mop on your head is now a comb-over? If someone is going think your attractive they’ll think you’re attractive regardless. But, offering one thing then selling another just isn’t fucking cool.
  • Don’t rant about your job! Maybe explain a bit about it, but don’t spend 30 minutes on boring details and complaining about it! Do ask about HER job. And pay… the… fuck… attention when she speaks. Fucking listen to her.
  • Engage her! Talk to HER. Ask her some fucking questions! Be fucking interested in her damnit!
  • Make eye contact with her! I was sitting next to J and K was directly across from both of us. I made more eye contact with J sitting in the seat next to me. K somewhat made eye contact with me. Dude! You’re not on a fucking date with ME, you’re on a date with HER!
  • Do NOT bring your Briggs-Meyers personality results with you. Yeah, I’m not making this shit up. K brought his and read it verbatim to us. And guys, even if you have a fucked up personality test, keep that a fucking mystery. After spouting off “you’re a loner and anti-social who prefers time to yourself as opposed to others” in the middle of the entrée don’t be surprised when the next words out of her mouth are “Waitress, check please” while your date bolts for the fucking door. In fact, I wouldn’t be too surprised if she bolted so fast that you were left with the fucking check!
  • Do NOT dress all in black! (Ok, maybe if you’re Johnny Cash, Alice Cooper or Ozzie you can get away with it).
  • Don’t fucking mumble!
  • Try not to mention failures with other dating sites. Ok, don’t just try… Don’t fucking do it at all!  Take a look at all the above “Don’ts”. Maybe it’s not the other dating sites.

Good luck my fellow fuckers!