Archive for October, 2013

Yep, it’s that time of year where I can legally wear pajama pants to work! Fucking-A!

Yep, that’s me: The Dude! He abides. He will not let this aggression stand man!

And what an interesting, and shocking, fucking dichotomy it was today: Pajama pants, grey hoodie, sunglasses, purple t-shirt, (virgin) White Russian in hand (see Booze in the Workplace) in a room full of people including the CEO. Hells yeah! And I get to talk about data encryption and the differences between data at rest and data in flight. Yeah… I got some pretty strange fucking looks.

Oh yeah, I should mention this: I’ve been growing my hair out for about a year. This time in 2012 it was all peach-fuzz, shaved, melon head. I would do it myself once a week, just take the Wahl trimmer, remove all guards, and buzz away. It’s now shoulder-length, wavy and curly. It’s finally long enough to put up in a pony tail so it’s the perfect look for The Dude.  Today, no product or bands to pull it back. All I did was run a comb through it and let it hand. So yeah…

Happy fucking Halloween to all my Fellow Fuckers!

 

I’ve mentioned in previous posts that I am polyamorous (look up the definition). Yes, I am married. Yes, my wife is too. In short, we have an open marriage.

As far as sexual identity is concerned, a lot of progress has been made in that area. Same sex marriage is becoming more accepted and GLBTQ rights are being addressed seemingly almost daily. Still, I have many gay/lesbian friends who are still in the closet due to fears or concerns about how their family, jobs, etc. will treat them. I applaud every person who has stood up, embraced their identity and fought for what they believe is right. And while many are out, they do so with some prejudice because maybe their partner is not ready to be out yet. And that’s the point of today’s post.

That said polyamory is even more of a minority lifestyle in this country. I have no qualms being open about who I am. I am open with friends, family (most of them), and workers. But, I want to be more open. When someone asks what I did last weekend, I want to be able to tell them “Well, my girlfriend and I went to the haunted house, hung out and had a good time”. Many know that I’m married so that might come off as “Oh, so you’re having an affair. You’re pretty bold to admit that in front of me. I pity your wife”. That’s not my concern. Being open, I (we, my wife and myself) are prepared to answer those awkward questions. Rather, it’s more for the protection of those we date or see. I believe it’s OK to be out myself. But, what are the consequences for my girlfriend? What are the consequences for those that my wife sees?

That is the difficult question. I would be much more comfortable bringing my girlfriend to a company party or function if I knew that it wouldn’t impact her life. I want to be able to introduce her as such. I have been in the uncomfortable situation where I’ve had to be her “friend” because she can’t be out at her workplace. They know she already has a boyfriend so it would be difficult for her to explain me as her boyfriend well particularly since I wear my wedding ring openly.

I would like to attend functions with her (and possibly her other boyfriend) where I wouldn’t just be “the friend”. I want to be able to attend my own social functions with her and my wife and say “Yes, this is my wife and this is my girlfriend”.

So until polyamory is accepted, I continue to walk the fine line of being open myself while not exposing those I care about and jeopardizing their lives.

Fucktion

Posted: October 30, 2013 in Fucktion
Tags: , , , , ,

I’m going to start a new page and category. I’ve been working on a few short stories and have an idea for a novel (still trying to work out the logistics of how to implement it though). Yes, as the title implies, this is a page for fiction where the word “fuck”, sexual situations, depravity and debauchery will be rather thematic. (Don’t think trashy Penthouse Forum letters. I’m a classy fucking dude!)

So….
To all my fellow fuckers (i.e. those who follow me), I welcome your feedback when I publish sections or chapters.

Commute

Posted: October 30, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Canyons, steep, narrow
Spruces and pines, tipped with snow
Zen-like, beautiful

This is the post that WordPress lost….

I think it’s about time companies in the US started to revise and relax (not abandon) their policies around alcohol in the workplace. Would it be too much to swallow (pun intended) for companies to allow their employees to take a nip while at work?
Think about this… Wouldn’t you rather have a happy, slightly buzzed air traffic controller watching aircraft land over a bitter, burned-out, disgruntled one? I’d much rather have a happy employee guiding my plane in over one who really doesn’t give a fuck that AA Flight 393 is coming in too low and slow during a microburst.

What other careers could benefit from a little pick-me up?
Do we really care that our teachers are sober while teaching our spoiled little rugrats grammar, trig and history? If that’s what it takes to get them through their day, more power to them!

The guy that slices your ham at the deli? Maybe he could use something to get him through the monotony of pound after pound after pound of pressed ham and Alpine Lace Swiss cheese. I hear some people already “But what about job safety?” Is it OUR responsibility to ensure that deli-guy doesn’t include a finger tip in our roast beef? Why even the employer’s responsibility? That’s part of relaxing the rules: Hey, you’re on your own. “Each employee has the right to come to work in whatever state makes them happy, but do so at their own risk.” They know the fucking hazards even before getting tipsy. If Harold Ham-slicer chooses to imbibe, nobody fucking made him!

I can see many environments where employees would be much happier if they could partake. Hell, it would even improve productivity and morale to have happy, buzzed employees!

So come on fellow fuckers! Let me hear YOUR input! What jobs do YOU think could benefit from relaxed booze in the workplace policies?

Fucking pissed!

Posted: October 29, 2013 in The word "Fuck"
Tags: ,

Ok, I swore I wouldn’t use this site as a rant, but FUCK!!! This rant is specifically aimed at WordPress.
I just spent over an hour working on today’s blog. I went to publish it and got a bizarre error page with a little box asking “Are you sure you want to do this?”. No explanation, no fucking idea what “do this” was. So I hit my back button to return to the edit page. Guess what? It was fucking gone! WordPress hadn’t auto-saved ANY of my fucking work! It’s GONE! Kaput! Disappeared into that big, fucking bit bucket in the ether!

Thanks a fucking lot WordPress!

21st Century Tom Sawyer

Posted: October 23, 2013 in FaikYu
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Words, travelling, songs
A fucking Renaissance Man
Why am I at work?

As of today, the Postal Service is winning hands down in the “Oh my fucking god, I can’t believe this is so slow” category.

Today’s experience with transferring the registration of my car and switching my driver’s license from Texas to Colorado was a snap!

First off, the county office to transfer registration. Total wait time: 5 minutes. Time spent obtaining new plates, about 20 to 30 minutes. But that time was not spent “waiting”. It was filling out paper work, verifying address, VIN on the vehicle, etc. I was completely engaged the entire time AND…. the county agent was extremely efficient and pleasant. Kudos!

Next up was the DMV to get my license transferred. I signed in electronically, pulled my number out of the machine and before I could take a seat, I was called. Oh… my… god!!!

Now, the agent there was a bit surly and very matter-of-fact, but she checked my paper work, I did my eye test, paid in all of 5 minutes. Then I was told to go sit and wait to get my picture taken. Maybe 5 minutes had passed when I was called up to verify my info, voter registration request, then told to go sit down and wait for the camera person. Maybe another 5 minutes while 3 people went up to get their picture then I was called. I don’t think I spent 15 minutes there and because of the interaction, it all seemed to ge very fast.

Fucking awesome!

Answer: The Postal Service, waiting in line at the DMV, the TSA checkpoint at LaGuardia
Question: Name three things painfully slower than glacial retreat

I took care of #1 today, the Postal Service. As if they don’t already make glacial progress look like a wide receiver on a post pattern, throw in a clueless fucking customer and…
Here’s how it went down.
Customer: “How much are stamps?”
Clerk: “47 Cents”
Customer : “How much are Christmas stamps?”
Clerk: “47 cents”
Customer : “Hmmm, Are these stamps the same price as those stamps?”
Clerk: “Yes, all stamps are 47 cents”
Customer : “Ok, I want a book of Christmas stamps”
Clerk : “That will be $4.70”
Customer : “No, I don’t want them in a sheet, I want them in a book”
Clerk: “The Christmas stamps only come in sheets, 10 per sheet”
Customer : “Ok, then I’ll have a book of regular stamps”
Customer looks back at everyone as if to say “Sorry I’m a total idiot, I’ll figure this out some day”
Clerk : “Ok, that will be $9.40”
Customer: “What? I thought you said the stamps where the same price!”
Clerk: “The sheet has 10 stamps. The book has 20 stamps”
Customer: “Well I don’t want 20 stamps. Can I just buy half a book?”
Clerk: “No. We can only sell whole books of stamps”
Customer : “Well, what other stamps do you have in counts of 10?”
Clerk: “Do you want Christmas or other design?”
Customer : “I think I want Christmas”
Clerk : “This is what we have”
Customer : “Hmmm, I like those” Clerk : “That will be $4.70”
Me

Tomorrow, I face the DMV and county/state registration offices to change my out-of-state license and vehicle registration. Wish me luck… this is not a good start! Fuck my life!

Ever have a thought or an idea, comment or remark, and it just disappears? Where does it go? I hypothesize there is a Thought Vortex and it’s similar to a black hole. Thoughts, ideas, retorts, get caught in its gravitational pull and can’t escape. Then they get sucked down to never reappear. But where do they go? I think, similar to the black hole theory, they reappear in someone else’s head. That would explain why random thoughts appear in my head. That would explain why, as I’m walking through a haunted corn maze with my girlfriend, the idea of painting a still life of the wilted flowers pops in my head. Ummm, yeah… I don’t paint. These are the most inartistic, untalented hands.

So, when I had a question I was going to ask her later on that night, and it disappeared, I’m wondering, if, somewhere else in the world, someone was walking along or woke up in the middle of the night thinking “latte or hot chocolate”?