Archive for September, 2013

FaikYu #3

Posted: September 27, 2013 in FaikYu
Tags: , ,

Don’t listen to me
It’s only a cheeseburger
Change your fucking mind

Aaargh! It do be International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Grab your Tri-Corner hat, buckle your swash, scrape the barnacles off your scull and get out there and get drunk and pillage!

Find a worthy wench and give her the ole “Jolly Roger”!

Or, find a worthy sailor/pirate and swash his buckle!

And of course, curse like a drunken, fucking sailor!

Aaaargh!

 

Yeah my Fellow Fuckers, I know. I need some cool fucking graphics for my blog.
Any fucking suggestions?
I have absofuckinglutely no artistic talent other than prose. I can’t even draw a fucking stick figure!

It’s been a helluva fucking week I tell you. It started with the rains last Wednesday (they actually started the Monday before that, but the heaviest came down Wednesday night). You may have heard of all the flooding in Colorado. I must have been one of the last vehicles to make it down the mountain before they the roads got fucked up (by fucked up, I mean mud slides, rock slides, debris, oh, and whole fucking sections of road completely washed away. But that’s another story). And here’s where the fun begins (and why I even made the attempt to drive down to begin with) which included going to sleep between 4:00 AM and 5:00 AM the rest of the weekend.

Thursday night was date night with my girlfriend Y (using initials to protect everyone’s privacy). Friday night I was due to be on a plane to see my wife J and then game night on Sat. So as a former Boy Scout, I’m always prepared. I was already packed for the weekend so I through in an extra pair of clothes for work on Friday, just in case, then leave from work and go straight to the airport.

A good thing too as by the time I left work for Y’s, I was already cut off from home and they were evacuating people.

I met Y at her house and we headed off for a show (it was a nice musical rendition of an 80’s Steve Martin comedy. Very entertaining!)

Afterwards, it being late and such, with all the rain and closures, Y invited me to stay over, curse my luck ūüėČ I had pretty much planned on it anyway but the rain was a perfect excuse. And no, I wasn’t complaining! Actually, neither was my wife J. She was more than happy to know I had a place to stay and not have to drive all the way home over rain flooded roads. And that was Thursday.

From the burbs out on the plains it was no problem getting to work that morning or to the airport that night. The only problem was there was a small mechanical issue and the flight was delayed by an hour and wound up landing in Texas at almost midnight.  J picked me up and we headed back to our apartment. It was about 1:00 AM when we got home, after 3:00 before we went to sleep.

We woke up around 9:00 AM, did some family stuff, then came back to get ready for game night hosted by my girlfriend A who I met through my wife J back in July (yes, J introduced us). It just so happens that J is seeing A’s husband as well. J was getting ready, walking around the apartment half-naked and after a bit, I needed to do something about it.

So we go to the game night, where I was introduced to Card Against Humanity. It was a blast. But, I was operating on 6 hours of sleep in almost 48 hours, and several rounds of sex with J and was getting tired. A had been out with her boyfriend on Fri and she was a bit tired as well. So when the party/game broke yo around midnight everyone was dragging. As tired as I was, I wasn’t going to pass up this opportunity. I hadn’t seen A in several weeks, we weren’t sure when we’d see each other again, and I had just flow 800 miles so…. yada, yada, yada… we wind up leaving around 4:00 AM (you can fill in the blanks).

J and I got up around 11:00, had some breakfast, talked over the previous night and then…. yeah, more sex. I actually lost track of the number of times again this weekend. But wait, there’s more!

Both J and I got up early Monday and hopped planes to our different work locations. I got back to my flood soaked state and lo and behold, I have a message from Y asking what I’m doing that night, if I’m going home, or even have a way to get home (thank goodness I did laundry at the apartment before I left)!

In all actuality, nothing happened Monday night. J and Y had just swapped numbers and since I had been up since 3:30 AM that morning (and didn’t get much sleep over the weekend) J was saying “Tell Y not to keep you up late. You need some rest!”

Y laughed about it but said “She’d try and do her part”. And, as much as I wanted even more sex, what my body did need was rest. Y and I were in bed, talking and kissing and I fell asleep on her (not actually ON her, but while talking and kissing). I don’t remember much but she did tell J that I fell asleep mid sentence. Ah me….

 

And so ends another weekend of depravity and debauchery…

 

 

 

FaikYu #2

Posted: September 17, 2013 in FaikYu
Tags: , , ,

To fuck with or not
Today, Inspiration ebbs
Thus my dilemma

Hello my Fellow Fuckers! I hope everyone is doing well this afternoon.

So if it’s not clear yet, after reading previous entries, I am in a “different” relationship paradigm. Some call it open, some call it “an excuse to cheat”. I call fucking BS! I, and the people I am in various relationships with, call it polyamory.

  • It’s all about relationships
  • It’s all about not limiting one’s ability to love
  • It’s all about expanding one’s ability to love
  • It’s all about everyone being in the know
  • It’s all about fucking communication folks

But, that is another fucking topic, for another fucking day. Today, it’s all about what makes this a fucking amazing relationship paradigm and dynamic!

A PolyculeI’ll start with¬†our current¬†relationship diagram. I am the orange dot in the middle (no, I’m not THAT egocentric that everything revolves around me! I could have said “I’ll start with my wife, the pink circle to the right and above my orange circle”). Also note, numbers do not represent nor indicate a hierarchy. They are just for labelling purposes to provide anonymity and clarification.That’s the first relationship: Me and my wife (or my wife and me, it’s all about perspective).

The other 2 pink circles (2&3), connected to my orange circle, represent girlfriends (refer to Everyone Should be this Fucking Fortunate for definitions).

My wife is dating girlfriend¬†3’s¬†husband (those are the other pink and blue circles connected by the “Primary Relationship”)

Girlfriend 3 is dating someone 3b (also married to 3c).

Girlfriend 2¬†is someone I am seeing locally along with her boyfriends (1a and 2a), and boyfriend’s partner (1b).

As far as communication goes, I talk to my wife frequently about who I am seeing. In fact, she introduced me to the girlfriend 3. I’ve met, had dinner with,¬†the other girlfriend 2’s¬†boyfriends and their partners.

Clear as fucking mud yet?

Soooo…. It’s been raining all fucking week here. We’re talking rain of epic fucking amounts! And, I had a date with girlfriend 2 last night. When I got up yesterday morning, I heard reports that the roads were either washed out, flooded, or covered with mud and rock slides and debris and therefore closed and everyone should just stay the fuck at home!

Well fuck that! I have a date. On top of that, I am headed down south the see the wife (and girlfriend 3) this weekend. So there’s no fucking way I’m “staying the fuck at home”.

So I pack all my stuff in my fucking suitcase, somehow make it to work despite floods of biblical fucking proportions and go out on my date who, knowing the fucking situation, tells me “Why don’t you just stay the night?” Well, fuck yeah! I talk to my wife on the way to the date and she’s all concerned that I’m not packed, that I can’t get home, and that I’m going out on a date. I just calmly reassure her that

  1. I AM packed
  2. I don’t HAVE to go home
  3. I have “alternate” arrangements for the night

She then proceeds to tell me to tell gf2 that she said “Hi”, “Have fun tonight” and “Tell her thanks for providing ‘alternate’ arrangements”

It’s a win-win situation my Fellow Fuckers and everyone is fucking happy! Now, I’m heading to the airport to see wife, gf3, gf3’s husband, potentially gf3’s bf (3b) and another weekend of depravity and debauchery.

Have I mentioned there will be drunken gummies, jelly shots, and margaritas cupcakes? Fuck yeah!

 
What is a Polycule?

FaikYu

Posted: September 11, 2013 in FaikYu

It’s days like this one
Dreary, cold, damp, grey… Autumn
Weather must be fucked

Today’s post is brought to you by the letters “F”, “M” and “L” and by the number 42.

A quick glossary of terms used below:

  • Wife: the person I am married to, share bank accounts, property, mortgages, financial responsibility, children and grandchildren
  • Girlfriend: A general term for a female that I go out with occasionally, am attracted to, and have sex with.

Yes, Fuck My Life. Although not in the sense that most people use that phrase. In its negative connotation, it’s meant as an expression that someone’s life or situation just got totally fucked. As in… “My brand new car just got totalled in the rain storm. Fuck my life!” Or, “I just got the new iPhone 5. This time I didn’t get the warranty and I just dropped it in the toilet. Fuck my life!”

I, however, am putting a positive fucking spin on this. Why? Because I AM fucking fortunate to be in this situation and it could be much fucking worse. To being with, my wife and I live in separate states now due to job and leasing situations (we have a house up north where I am currently residing and living and an apartment down south where her job is primarily located). One of my girlfriends lives in the same are as my wife. The other girlfriend lives near me. The predicament? I wish they ALL lived where I do!

I can hear people asking “Are you fucking retarded? Why don’t you just fucking move back south with your wife?” I wish it were that fucking simple and there’s no easy answer. Part of it is that I literally hate that fucking state in the south. It’s too fucking hot and there are way too many fucking idiots there. While I enjoy every minute there with my wife and girlfriend, my stress and anxiety levels go through the roof after being there just two fucking days. So when I get back on the plane to fly “home” part of me is counting down the minutes to get the fuck out of there. The other part of me is on the dejected, miserable side at having to leave the one I care about the most.

Now there you fucking have it. Yes, Fuck My Life! I have an awesome and amazing wife and 2 awesome girlfriends. I just can’t decide where to live. Everyone should be this fortunate.

Hello my fellow fuckers! You know who you are: don’t hide or deny it.
Maybe it’s a part of your daily repertoire already, and you’re not afraid to use it when appropriate (and even sometimes when it’s not).

Or are you a closet fucker? Do you hold it in all day, afraid someone will chastise you for your ‘abuse of language’ then let it out behind closed doors once you get home? Do parents and other family members look down their noses at you?

Regardless, it’s time to say “Fuck off”! Some say “let your freak flag fly”. I say “Let your fuck flag fly”!

This isn’t just some random fucking challenge anymore. I’m calling this a fucking MOVEMENT! Spread the word!

And it’s not just about the word (it IS just a word folks, don’t let it have more power than society gives it). But rather, give it your own power. Own the fucking word! Own the fucking act!

Go out and say “Fuck”! Go out and fuck someone! Go out and get fucked! Get fucked up, get fucked over!

But I need your fucking help fellow fuckers.
If you like my blog, thank you.
If you follow my blog… Thanks a fucking million!

Regardless, tell me WHAT you fucking think? Tell me what you fucking LIKE. What you fucking hate! I need some fucking feedback!
Fucking inspire me to do better, inspire me with even more ideas. I’m not a fucking wimp that’s going to crawl into a corner and cry my eyes out, so be honest.

And if you do like this fucking forum, by all means, fucking follow me! Become a fellow fucker!

Do not mistake me. This is not a happy occasion. While today is my dad’s birthday, I am unable to celebrate with him. You see, he passed exactly 9 months ago today. There was no birthday cake, no presents, no cute birthday card, no phone call. Just an empty fucking feeling of “What do I do?”

So I just went about my business, went to work as usual and silently wished he were here so I could at least tell him I fucking love him.